Be Realistic!
Be Realistic!
How many times have you heard someone say that? Oh come on, be realistic, you know that isn’t possible/practical/logical/appropriate/safe or some similar admonition. How often do you hear this? How often do you say be realistic to the people you work with, your friends, family, or yourself (in that funny little inner voice of yours, you know, the critical, high-pitched, shrill one)?
In my experience, this entreaty to be realistic is often used when someone expresses a dream or a non-conventional goal such as when someone shares the desire to live in Bora-Bora, or when one wants to quit her lucrative and prestigious job, or perhaps when someone follows her desire to do something crazy like take up Olympic archery at age 41. And why do we say this? Ah, the why is a pretty easy one; we say this because we are afraid.
What are we afraid of when we think or say be realistic? I posit that we are afraid of bucking the status quo, we are afraid to get uncomfortable as we contemplate living our truth, we are afraid to piss people off, or that we will be judged, or that people won’t like us, etc. So we stay small, we eke out an existence of obligation and adherence to social convention and expectation, regardless of how painful this is.
It’s easier to let our dreams, as unrealistic as they may be, slip away, than do the sometimes hard work of taking a stand for our truth, pursuing the things that make us do cartwheels (actual or figurative), or following the path that make our eyelashes tingle. Cultivation of mediocrity seems to be de rigueur, and realistic is firmly in the mediocre category.
When it comes to being the admonisher, it’s often because we feel challenged by others when they dare to think or dream or do outside the well-circumscribed lines. If we live in that miniscule, fearful place, the dreams of others only serve to highlight our misery and shed light on the fact that we are not following or path. And yes, I do realize that not everyone is discontent with a life of conformity, but I’d wager a week of chai lattes that everyone has unfilled dreams that at some time someone (or that pesky inner critic) told them was unrealistic.
So, where can you throw of the realistic mantle and embrace a little (or a lot) of risk, adventure, and hell-yes-I’ll give-it-a-try attitude? What lines have you been coloring in? Where are you playing it safe and small? What’s your one big dream that you thought was unrealistic?
Dreams don’t really have an expiration date, so I suggest you dust off one that you thought was impossible and chase it. Society needs dreamers and doers just like you.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. ~ Mark Twain
more inspiration here!
14 Comments for this entry
Laura gates
Oh this culture of mediocrity, the same Gap-outfitted, tv-tranced white-washed world we are trying to not succumb to on a daily basis. Breaking out of the pack is definitely not easy or always fun, but for sure it is necessary for our soul’s very survival. I had this lovely image of an Amazonian archer pulling back her bow in the rain forrest as I read this… hmmmmm
Laura gates recently posted..What’s Your Money Story?
shanna
Yes, Laura, our thrival (not survival) depends on it. We must break free from the pack and show others how it’s done. Blaze the trail for future generations….
Tracey Ceurvels
The word “realistic” makes me shudder and I’ve been around many people who use it. Thank you for expressing what I would love to. I’ll be sure to send this off to the next person who uses this in my presence, though those who are “realistic” tend not to get people like us. It’s nice to know a kindred spirit!
Jen
I *completely agree* with your point about the admonishers. I have caught myself doing it, as well as having it done to me. The most encouraging people are the ones who are also most inspiring because they’re living life on their own terms – or at least self-aware enough to be on that path. Those are the people to surround yourself with, I say!
Jen recently posted..Olive Garden Pasta E Fagioli
Sue Ann Gleason
OMG There are so many diamond insights (KC’s phrase—don’t you love it?) in this post, I just want to extract them all and hang them on my wall as a manifesto!
Take a stand for your truth,
Pursue the things that make you do cartwheels
Follow the path that makes your eyelashes tingle
Embrace a little (or a lot) of risk, adventure, and
hell-yes-I’ll give-it-a-try attitude
Dreams don’t really have an expiration date
Society needs dreamers and doers just like you
Brilliant, simply brilliant. . .
shanna
Sue Ann,
I read this and I can’t believe it’s my writing. You have illuminated something in my work that I thought average or pedestrian. But calling it out like that shows me it’s not. This is the clarion call for all of us to live our truth, go after the things and life that makes us giddy, and show up without our mask. Thank you for reminding me through my own words. xo.
Justine
Preach it sister! Love this post. I just wrote one about pursuing a dream, but as wonderful as it is, alas the dream isn’t mine. However, it does inspire me to get going on mine.
Actually it’s my first time here, and I just read your bio. Looks like you’re living my dream. Perhaps I should stay awhile to see what I can do about being where you are huh? 
Justine recently posted..“Will you take a leap with me?”
shanna
yes, Justine! I can help you uncover the life you are meant to lead! You have it in you–the glimmering truth…Watch this space for new stuff in 2012–we can do this stuff together (the world needs the real you)!
Marion
Hey Shanna,
Telling people to be realistic is a great way to “control” them. Or people use it as an excuse to not take action…
So, I’d rather be unrealistic and experience life in its fullest! . I’ve accomplished so much through this strategy…
Take care,
Marion
Marion recently posted..Are You a Fairy Godmother or Wicked Witch at Work?
shanna
Yes, a control tactic! Down with that, I say! I share your strategy, Marion
Raun Lauterbach
I agree with the sentiment of this article, but I think being realistic can be a good thing. I’ve heard the phrase “I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist” many times and I think that misses the point as well. Being realistic doesn’t have to diminish your dreams. I find it helpful to recognize where I am when it comes to figuring out where to go.
If you are surrounded by people who tell you your dream can’t happen, you need to find some new friends. I actually just wrote a post on this topic the other day (http://backyardlifeblog.com/2011/12/optimistic-realism-an-oxymoron-or-the-answer/).
Either way, thanks for writing such a thought-provoking post!
Raun Lauterbach recently posted..Current Hard Work Update — December 16, 2011
shanna
Absolutely, Raun, I agree that being realistic CAN be a good thing, but of course the spirit of this piece, using the term realistic in its most extreme form, is focused on those naysayers who respond to anything outside the norm with comments that, whether aware of it or not, have a tendency to diminish our dreams.
Looking forward to reading your post!
Kimby
Shanna, nuggets of inspiration were leaping off the page for me in this post! Wow. When you mentioned that shrill little inner-voice, I actually “heard” it — only it wasn’t my own. It was the collective voice of past nay-sayers — and frankly, they don’t belong! I am intentionally, realistically booting them out. Thank you.
shanna
Kim,
I am so glad that you found “nuggets of inspiration” in this post! That inner voice is a killer, isn’t she? Good for you on booting out the past naysayers–they don’t belong in your *reality*
what i’m told « the day to follow your heart, December 21st, 2011 on 9:22 pm
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